Chapter 31 — Where the Heart Turns (Part 2)

　　Ruoshui sensed the hostile aura draining away and opened her eyes slowly. Seeing Qiwu Jun watching her intently, she stepped back, stammering, “I—this was an emergency. I didn’t mean to offend. I’ll — I must apologize.” Then she fled.

　　Qiwu Jun watched her run and touched his lips, tasting the faint blood. He felt regret and self-reproach.

　　Ruoshui’s mind raced. Although frightened now, the memory of being near death made her tremble; six months earlier she’d been ready to die at Lingxiao Peak. Why had Qiwu Jun become so volatile? She lay awake half the night.

　　Qiwu Jun, ever-perceptive, could sense the quiet in the side hall and the stirrings of his heart.

　　Near midday she opened the door and came out yawning to find Qiwu Jun reading in the courtyard. She tried to play as if nothing had happened. “Are you alright?”

　　“I’ve recovered,” he said, seeing the bruises on her neck and the cut on her lip. He rubbed his thumb over her mouth. “Does it hurt?”

　　Ruoshui looked at him blankly. Today he was odd — perhaps remnants of last night? She stepped back reflexively.

　　“Were you frightened last night?”

　　She nodded, then shook her head; she would not admit fear fully. Seeing his face change she said, “You wouldn’t believe me if I said I wasn’t scared.” The memory indeed terrified her.

　　Qiwu Jun: “If you were afraid, why not leave?”

　　Ruoshui: “At the time I couldn’t think like that. Besides, I couldn’t go anywhere anyway.”

　　Qiwu Jun was silent, lost in thought.

　　Ruoshui remembered last night’s words and asked, “Do you not want me here because I disturb your peace?”

　　“No,” he answered quickly.

　　“Then are you jealous when I fool around with Fangyi Jun?”

　　“He’s my junior and I—”

　　“I get it. I’ll be careful.” Though she said it, her face betrayed displeasure. Only Fangyi Jun would play with her the way he did; she didn’t know many people.

　　Qiwu Jun, unsure what to say, knew she liked liveliness and disliked Gushu Peak’s monotony. He didn’t want her to be too close to Fangyi Jun. Suddenly she teased, “Su Mu, aren’t you jealous?”

　　He asked, “Do you like the Sixth Junior?” bluntly.

　　“Ah?” Ruoshui was bewildered. She hadn’t expected that question. She could not say she didn’t like him — being with Qiwu Jun was pleasant — but it wasn’t straightforward romantic love.

　　Qiwu Jun took out a wooden hairpin and tucked it into her hair. “A hairpin made of Miaogu wood — wear it and you won’t get lost.”

　　Ruoshui blushed and wondered what that meant.

　　Qiwu Jun returned inside and called, “From tomorrow I’ll teach you sword-flight.”

　　More training. Ruoshui grinned faintly. Flying a sword needed no opponent; she could manage the practice though her talent was poor. She’d learned airborne swording only after six months. Qiwu Jun had to accompany her every day, pulling her back when she fell. Having someone made solitude easier.

　　Fangyi Jun had come by before and been rebuffed — so he hadn’t returned. Only men understood men: Qiwu Jun had no interest in courting, but he’d cared enough to go to the Herb Valley on her behalf and teach her swordsmanship. He had trusted that his senior brother had no feelings for her; now signs showed otherwise. Even if the senior had once been indifferent, he might no longer be. What possible place could Fangyi Jun have in that picture? Fangyi Jun busied himself in the Herb Valley brewing medicines and pills.

　　Yu Furong remained loyally at Qiwu Jun’s side, without complaint.

　　Habits solidified. One day Qiwu Jun imagined a hundred years hence, Ruoshui dust, him alone — the thought made him ache. “I’m not afraid of darkness if I’ve never seen light,” he thought. To him, she was the light. He wanted that light to remain to warm his long, lonely life.

　　Thus Qiwu Jun conceived the idea to help her attain immortality.

　　One day while guiding her in meditation, Ruoshui opened one eye, then another. Qiwu Jun opened his eyes and looked at her. She said candidly, “I don’t want to cultivate immortality. I plan to eat, sleep, and die with no care.”

　　“Do you know how many crave immortality?” he asked.

　　“I don’t know how many, but I don’t want it. The brevity of life gives value to farewells and makes love precious. People tire of the new and discard the old; mortal life is short and yet there are so many who abandon spouses for new loves. Finding a good partner for life is rare. Even if one lived a thousand years, one can’t force hearts to stay constant. What’s the point of living ages alone?” Ruoshui looked earnestly at Qiwu Jun. “If I were you I’d have gone mad long ago.”

　　“Don’t I also wish for a soulmate, for love that lasts?” Qiwu Jun said. The longing was so close he could almost touch it.

　　Ruoshui hung her head. “I’m sorry. If not for me you could have been with Wuyang Xianzi. You don’t need to worry about me: I only want—”

　　Qiwu Jun could not bear it and left. He didn’t know if she truly didn’t understand or just pretended ignorance. After a year of closeness, had she merely used him as someone to sleep beside? He felt both joy and pain.

　　Ruoshui thought she had pierced his tender spot and was ashamed, believing she had ruined a good match. A small misunderstanding had perhaps ruined lives.